she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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