dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
