a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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