NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
