Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
