Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize