i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
