Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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