so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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