my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
