I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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