Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize