Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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