That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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