My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
