Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
