Taylor Swift is so right about you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
