Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
