he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
