I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
