he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
