My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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