I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
PANTIES FOUND
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
