I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
