i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
