You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think i have two assholes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
