her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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