Say something about gay babies.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
