i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
