I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
