the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
