I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
