you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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