mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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