I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
