Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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