i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
