He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
