I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
