Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
