so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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