fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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