so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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