a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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