I wannas sexs uuuuu
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I deserve this hangover.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
