He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
