I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
