Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
