thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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