I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
