you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
