it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
