how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
