my being single is dangerous.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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