Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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