you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
