Got a toothbrush?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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