If i come over, it means nothing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
