Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My hand turned me down
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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