ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
