It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize