I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
