I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize