i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
