I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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