This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So many bounce houses so little time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
