She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
