trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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