Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
