Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Mom said you looked used
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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